Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Christmas Juggling

Christmas is the time when our family's complicated structure shows up in the worst way.
Most of the time it works wonderfully:
we all get along famously and the sharing of life rolls on oiled wheels.
But at Christmas time
Some cogs jam and wheels spin a bit
(For me, anyway)
Here's why:
( and be prepared for some gut-spilling: if it is too much for you, feel free to leave the page and visit another day, ok?)
There's the core family:
DH and me with our 4 kids and their partners and children (Well, that's my definition of the core family anyway)

Then there are:
the well loved in-laws, "step" parents, divorced parents, and DH's parents, all of whom live within a reasonable distance. They all have their place in the sun in the larger family but how to accommodate all of our needs to be together during these significant days of the year without anyone feeling left out in the cold?
It ain't easy I tell you.
Here's the gut-spilling part:
Part of me wants to be extremely territorial about my family and say:
"You will all come here and spend the time with us.
Because I say so."
Like I used to be able to .
Life was so much less complicated then.
Now, I have to be civilised and thoughtful and considerate and fair.
And I don't want to be.
I want to put my arms around "my people" and say:
"These are mine.
You can't have them.
Go get your own people to play with."
But I'm a grown-up now
So I can't do that.Align Left
We will have to find another way on another day -
of celebrating together
the arrival on planet Earth of our matchless Rescuer. . .

6 comments:

Mel said...

Argh. It does suck doesnt it?

Am with you - it aint easy but we will work it out for sure.

Kevin said...

Good times. The holidays are a great test of patience's, long suffering and practicing agape love.

My family will be eating Thanksgiving dinner in the rehab center with my dad, should also be really interesting dynamic.

Fun times.

Shayne said...

I'm with you on this. Sometimes i wish we could just escape it all!

Ordinarylife said...

Luckily they all live reasonably close. My In-laws live 300km away and so we are having breakfast with my mom, popping into see my dad and then driving through and have lunch with the In-laws!

One way to get out of cooking I suppose!

Sarah said...

Totally sucks...thought about cutting myself in 3 but that would look really ugly! But hey - I think we will find one evening when all th peeps in this photo can be present PLUS lisa! We will wangle it somehow...

allie. said...

Thanks to for sympathetic responses!

When I reread my post, I am surprised that you were all so nice.

BUt hey!
Its one of the reasons its so lekker to blog - if we feel selfish, unreasonable and whiney, we can be that.

I have the BEST commenters - no one EVER preaches or moralises at me: you all just sympathize and wait for me to get over myself.

THANKS for that

And Kevin, maybe you could share some feedback on your time with your Dad at Thanksgiving?