Thursday, May 6, 2010
Help please. . .
So now we are adults. "Grown-up" - that stage that we all longed for as kids: that magical land where bedtime was our choice and we could have sweets before supper, and ice cream for supper. But now we know adulthood is not what we thought. (Disappointing, isn't it?!) It is fraught with difficulties we could never have imagined as kids. We have to work through these with whatever tools we can find, so there is a lot of blind guessing; trial and error and general blundering going on. So I thought I would try to find some answers in one special area that bugs me. And for that, I need your help. Here's the deal. I struggle to know where the lines are for my adult kids in terms of my involvement with them. Especially adult sons! (And this includes my in-law kids, of course) Where are these lines, people? # When does "helpfulness" (my take) become "interference" (their take)? # At what point does "not interfering" (my take) become "lack of interest" (their take)? # And with daughters-in-law, when does motherly friendship begin to look as though you are trying to take over from their own mothers? And when is it too much: and when too little? This is the first step to compiling a "Handbook for Momming Adult Kids" or some such title. Your role is to answer a small questionnaire for me. It should be fun - you can vent. Which is always fun. 1. Name things you like about the way your Mom handles Adult-You. (By the way, if your Mom is no longer with you, your memories will still enable you to participate, kay?) 2. Name the things that drive you nuts about the way your Mom handles Adult-You. 3. Tell me what you like in a mom-in-law and what you don't. (I'm looking for the relationship between the Mom and her children here, NOT stuff to do with her relating to, or helping with, grandchildren.) And if you have little stories to back up your likes and dislikes, I'd LOVE to hear them as well. Perhaps you can enlist the help of husbands, brothers, sisters, neighbours and friends as well? (Specially the opinions of guys, since they are my particular mystery!) Make it a game for this wet wintry weather: ask people to write down their answers and give them to you. And you can send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org together with your own. All opinions will be gratefully received. Who knows - maybe it will be a best seller and you could be listed in the acknowledgements!