In fact they are happening.
i will risk writing about it because these things haven't come about through my will power or discipline.
They bear the fingerprints of the Master Craftman -
you know, where you suddenly realise that huge stuff has happened when you weren't looking?
And you have no idea how?
Examples, you ask?
Well ok, but this is embarrassing.
*breaks into a mild sweat*
# i avoided entertaining because i hated cooking.
At least thats what i told myself.
The truth is that i believed my cooking was awful and was afraid i'd make a fool of myself.
# I also avoided having people here because my home looked as though we camped here.
Utilitarian to the enth degree.
Functional and unimaginative
(And YES I DO KNOW - an AWFUL lot of "me, I, my" -
An awful lot of fear of what people might think.
Don't think i don't hate that too!)
# I managed the state of my house by pretending that it was just easier to live that way.
No clutter for me!
The truth was that I had NO confidence in my ability to decorate my home.
So afraid of making a mess of it that I just lived with it.
(Ness and Shayne - be kind, ok? i now know what a woes i've been)
Here's the thing - this is the good part:
i wish i could think of something, anything, to point to, that started the change
But, you know, i can't.
All i know is that lately i'm :
# Having people to meals, and loving it.
AND producing good food too, i may add :-)
# Browsing through piles of decor mags (thanks Mel!) to identify what i like:
making decisions for myself about them; even subscribing to HOME mag *faint*
(i do not subscribe to mags)
# The changes to the house which have been vague dreams for years are suddenly happening
The deck will soon be glass enclosed opening straight up from the lounge so it is all one space.
The wooden ceiling is being replaced with white as I type
And the ghastly carpeting will be gone in a matter of days, to be replaced with wood.
Gleaming and golden.
But what i'm also loving is the small shifts: the new pics, plants, etc
The constant alertness to what "might work"
i know i'm gushing but this is really exciting - it feels as though i've slept through parts of my life and am only now waking up.
I forgot to tell you - this has spilt over into DH's life too.
Without any wifely manipulation being applied, he has totally bought into all of the above.
(Apart from having to pay for it, i mean :-)
It is a humungus attitude shift for him, trust me.
If this season of divine changes would only spill over into my gymming world!
But really - not even that would surprise me.
PS: Ceiling status at end of Day 1:
|The cornices still have to go up and there is a lot of painting and finishing to do yet|
but I think it already looks way better.