Remember how it felt, reaching the age of freedom?
Of being able to go out without having a curfew?
Without having to have a parent fetch you?
(Ohh, the embarrassment!)
Without having to promise "Yes Ma, the kid's parents will be at the party" ?
Of being able to drive without an L on the back window of the car?
Of not having to handle "You're not going out in that!"?
I never thought I wold be able to revisit those heady days of new freedom
But life is full of surprises -
And here, and now, I feel like that again.
That scary word, sounding like a slow descent into blurry aimlessness
But it turns out it's nothing like that
It feels instead, like a brand new beginning, full of possibilities
DH and I are like two kids sometimes
Grinning at each other, knowing that there is no reason why we can't . . .
Stay up all night watching cricket
Watch two movies in one day
Eat supper at 5 o'clock or 11 o'clock
Jump in the car at a moment's notice and take off for the weekend
Stuff like that
But it wasn't always like that
When the retirement day first arrived, about 8 months ago, we were both a mess
It was traumatic, having everything change.
DH had been used to being stretched, stressed and challenged daily
Over many years we had become used to it - even though we moaned about his long working hours and his high stress levels.
He would tell me about everything that went on at work and I found the trials and triumphs of building the business fascinating stuff.
In a way, I felt intricately part of it, and made the rollercoaster ride my own too.
So, when that day arrived, he had to go from functioning at 1000 mph down to 10, from one day to the next.
And I had to go from having the house to myself from 5.30am till around 6.30pm
To not having it to myself at all.
Having the TV on from the time I opened my eyes in the morning
And making tea and coffee a lot. :-)
So my need for space, silence and solitude was ser-ious-ly compromised.
We did not do well at first, becoming snappy and irritable with one another.
There were many angry flare-ups; territorial collisions; misunderstandings.
It was awful.
But here we are
Through to the happy times I spoke of at the beginning of this post
Feeling like two kids who've been let loose on this world for the first time
Bring it on . . .