Thursday, July 9, 2015

Trusting Imperfectly

I am finding that life in the cauldron is beyond description
People ask "So how are you? How are things going with your family?"
I look at them helplessly because there is no answer -
How can words encompass what is happening in our midst?!

Whatever the outcome of our son-in-law's struggle with this dreadful disease, our lives have been marked forever.
None of us will be the same again
The landscape of our lives look like the ravaged slopes of our mountains after the recent fires.

There is a sense of being scorched, suspended in space; of waiting, day after day, without really knowing what we are waiting for.
Feeling claustrophobic but not wanting to leave the house
Missing friends but not wanting to be among people.
Trusting God but imperfectly; floundering in the mystery of how this all works.

And yes, there are the little gems
There are the good days in amongst the tough ones
But when I look at our daughter's brave and haunted face, it is hard to focus on them.
And when I see our son-in-law's quiet struggles, it almost drowns out everything else.

Is it still trust, even imperfect trust, when inside you cry out
"God, where are You?"


Elise said...

No words <3

Shayne said...

My heart goes out to all of you. I simply have no words. But know that you have an army of supporters out there xx

Gill said...

Ah Allie, my heart aches for you and the rest of the family. I know it is little comfort, but please know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers x

allie. said...

Bless you all <3

Anonymous said...

You have a way of articulating your pain in the most poignant way. Sending so much love to each and every one of you. Wish there was more we could do!

Viv said...

Constantly in my thoughts and prayers, Allie.

Lynette Jacobs said...

Oh my friend. I feel for all of you. Wish I was closer so that I could do something practical to help lighten the load. It is at times like these that I have to remind myself that God sees the big picture and He knows the end from the beginning. He loves us and He is sovereign. All we can do is cling to Him and trust that He will carry all of you through this. I wish I could give you and Mel a tight hug.