Apparently this is normal
But nothing felt normal at that time.
While I was deeply grateful for the support of friends, I couldn't mix with them
Amazing people that they are.
Gradually I am finding myself more able to "go there"
Without feeling I want to run away five minutes after arriving.
Its a good feeling
A bit like waking up slowly.
So I found myself thinking the other day about friends
How vital they are
And how one can't be replaced by another.
How each one brings
I wonder if people know that about themselves . . .
If I compare friends to flowers -
There is breath taking beauty in massed flower fields
The acres of colours make the heart ache with the longing that comes from unbearable beauty
Hold it close
Look at the velvety intensity of the colours
Look at the sheen on each petal
The fine detail of the marking on the flower
The same ache can get you, just from the intricacy and wonder of that one bloom.
So with a group of friends
Or one friend.
To those friends who have been so incredible all through this dreadful time
Who, in spite of my silences and withdrawal
Have loved and supported me in a million ways -
And welcomed me back so warmly
(You know who you are)
I hope this post will help you to know how precious you are to me
And how grateful I am.