Thursday, May 27, 2010

Realise

One of the great things about being in this life-space, is that you *realise* things. Most of grown up female life is taken up with *doing* things. From 16 - 19: * Doing consists of trying to overcome hair and skin problems; hating them both; obsessing about weight and clothes; making *the guy* notice you; shaking off the one you are *so* over; trying to be trendy on a shoestring; and lastly,and least importantly, trying to pass exams. During 20's and 30's: *Doing consists of *being there* for everyone; kind of 'sowing yourself' like a scattering of seeds, into the needs all around you; feeling guilty most of the time; feeling mad a lot of the time; feeling inadequate a lot of the time (actually, make that ALL the time). Being tired. Being sure every other woman has a handle on things - just not you. Losing you in being there for them. Well, thats how it feels, anyway. And being worried. About all of them, most of the time. Ah, but here come the 40's and on up - when you realise: That *they* do very well for themselves; that DH understands that cooking doesn't make him a sissy; in fact it earns him serious brownie points; that grandkids add something rich and unique to life; that long buried creative desires can stir restlessly, demand an outlet - and find one. Without guilt. And you can begin to re-collect that scatteredness - bring your *you-ness* back on board, and find out who you are, when its just you. Or rather - just you, surrounded by loved people who don't need you. Not in the same way. Just love you. And you realise, I am happy. Right now, right here, in this not perfect space, I am happy.

7 comments:

Lynette said...

So I have another few months to go to get THERE! I am so tired of worrying about everyone and not "getting to everything" I need to.

Great post Allie...gives me hope;-D

Shayne said...

Oh dear, perhaps i'm a 30 yr old in a 50 yr old's head/body mind?

wonder what's going to happen when i get to 50!

thanks for the read!

allie said...

Hi Lynette and Shayne - sorry but your comments are going to look odd because I revised my time-zones.
I realised that the *good times* actually start a lot earlier, but they just seem super good to me right now - which blurred the lines a bit.

This is a blatantly subjective post - maybe I should have said that right from the beginnning, hey?

But you guys get my general drift, I'm sure.

Olivia said...

Hey Allie,
I like this post it soooo answers my constant lament about feeling inadequate in everything and that particular thing that everybody got it under control but me! Thanks for making me feel good and for looking forward to the future! PS: I love the hair, actually I just love your hair no matter what...I envy the volume! (a very side note)...take care
Love

Lynette said...

Now the question is...why am I not there yet;-D

allie said...

Olivia!
Its SO good to see you here!

Glad the post helped you.
I bet you are a LOT better at being a mom than you imagine.

HAve a great weekend X

Olivia said...

Thanks Allie for the vote of confidence....
Maybe I should print it out and stick it on the fridge....

Enjoy your week end too....