Realise

One of the great things about being in this life-space, is that you *realise* things. Most of grown up female life is taken up with *doing* things. From 16 - 19: * Doing consists of trying to overcome hair and skin problems; hating them both; obsessing about weight and clothes; making *the guy* notice you; shaking off the one you are *so* over; trying to be trendy on a shoestring; and lastly,and least importantly, trying to pass exams. During 20's and 30's: *Doing consists of *being there* for everyone; kind of 'sowing yourself' like a scattering of seeds, into the needs all around you; feeling guilty most of the time; feeling mad a lot of the time; feeling inadequate a lot of the time (actually, make that ALL the time). Being tired. Being sure every other woman has a handle on things - just not you. Losing you in being there for them. Well, thats how it feels, anyway. And being worried. About all of them, most of the time. Ah, but here come the 40's and on up - when you realise: That *they* do very well for themselves; that DH understands that cooking doesn't make him a sissy; in fact it earns him serious brownie points; that grandkids add something rich and unique to life; that long buried creative desires can stir restlessly, demand an outlet - and find one. Without guilt. And you can begin to re-collect that scatteredness - bring your *you-ness* back on board, and find out who you are, when its just you. Or rather - just you, surrounded by loved people who don't need you. Not in the same way. Just love you. And you realise, I am happy. Right now, right here, in this not perfect space, I am happy.