Thursday, August 13, 2009

Arrows and Messages

Lynette's great post on Triggers brought this to mind. A teaching called "Arrows and Messages"* opened my eyes to this 'trigger' effect I believe it does affect everyone - at least until they have been made aware of, and have dealt with it. Basically, the teaching was that all people have hurtful/traumatic/crippling things said to them during their lives, starting from the youngest years. They called those things the Arrows. They pierce and penetrate They leave scars But they are not the real culprits The culprits are the Messages. Each arrow carries a message - or we experience them like that. For example: Two kids in your class have to pick sides from the rest of the class. You are picked last. Message: I am not good enough or: People don't like me. or: There is something wrong with me. I don't belong So while the Arrow of the humiliation of being picked last will fade, whatever Message we received will take root deep inside us. After that, every time something is said, or something happens to us that reinforces that Message, we subconsciously add it to our 'file'. Our group each wrote down a few obvious Arrows from our past and then we asked ourselves what the Messages attached to them were. I was astonished to find that I had attached the same Message to all the Arrows in my life Which had resulted in very strong subconscious problem which coloured my life for years So it suddenly became glaringly obvious why I so often used to react so violently to seemingly tiny things The 'tiny things' carried the same message as all the others So I heard it magnified through a loudspeaker And reacted accordingly Poor DH - how patient he was Patient and puzzled As in: "How CAN this woman get THAT mad when I ask her if she has put salt in the food?!" Try the exercise if you like It is such a useful tool to understand yourself and others I pass it on - maybe it will help someone else too *From Sacred Romance by John Eldridge

6 comments:

Shayne said...

i think i may need to do this.

just not today.

too emotional and open to hurt right now.

Kirsty said...

wow! That's a powerful message! Thanks Allie! I might just do it! I have had a lot of arrows flung my way... I just need to decipher what the message was! x

Laura said...

I am almost too scared to do this! Not sure I am ready for what I may find!

Meriel said...

its not an easy exercise to do. I'm trying it though. i think it may need a couple of sessions.

one thing i have picked up (not really arrow and message) is that i have emotional space much like personal space.....as people move in too close i tend to step more and more back....

Lynette said...

The subconscious is a powerful thing. Great post Allie...I think I need to get the book. This have got me wondering about the arrows and messages in my DIL's case. The book will probably be very useful in our ministry.

allie said...

@ Shayne - I'm sorry you are having such a dificult time. Hopefully in time, it will turn out to a have positive spinoff.

@ Kirsty - The hard part is the emotion attached to remembering the arrows.
The ones we are interested in will be close to the surface: this is not meant to be a time of deeeeep introspection.
You will find that, once you have written down some of the arrows, the message(s) will be obvious to you.

@ Laura - don't be afraid.
This is not about finding out horrible things about ourselves.
It shines light on to negative things we have wrongly believed about ourselves that have affected our lives.
It is very freeing.

@Meriel - I have a feeling that that personal space thing may have similar roots.
Be worth finding out, don't you think?
For Christ followers, to ask the Lord to bring things to light, and help to find the messages is a great way to go.

@Lynette - The teaching in the Sacred Romance helped to rescue from a very difficult spiritual place.
I highly recommend it
I agree with your thoughts re your DIL and your ministry